Dear Daddy,<\/p>\n

Can you believe it? It\u2019s been nine months. I\u2019ve now been out here as long as I was in there. As such, I thought this milestone might be a good opportunity to check in with you and see how you\u2019re adjusting to this whole \u201cfatherhood\u201d thing, as well as let you know about some challenges and opportunities I\u2019ve been encountering in adjusting to this whole \u201clife on the outside\u201d thing. Let\u2019s begin.<\/p>\n

First of all, I have to tell you that this is not what I expected. Those nine months in Shangri-La did a terrible job preparing me for my current daily grind. A few grievances, in no particular order:<\/p>\n

\n
• I sometimes have to wait to eat now. It\u2019s ridiculous. Back in the hole, I barely had to think about it. I was quite literally plugged into a buffet line of nutritious goodness. Now I have to choose<\/i> to eat, and my choice is contingent on food actually being available. I feel like I just got off a cruise and I\u2019m missing the midnight pizza something fierce.<\/li>\n
• There\u2019s so much work to do. Before I got here, the work was mostly internal affairs. My organs were developing, I gained my senses\u2026stuff like that. Out here, every day is an endless stream of stuff I have to deal with. Every item you put in front of me\u2014and you seem to just love<\/i> putting stuff in front of me\u2014needs to be carefully inspected via touch and taste. If I put the item down for more than three seconds, the inspection process must begin anew. I\u2019m very thorough in my work. I guess I\u2019m just hoping that there\u2019s more to life than this. I think I might have been born for something greater than feeling up a stuffed fox.<\/li>\n
• That said, there\u2019s so much work you won\u2019t let me do. I really don\u2019t mind working overtime when my work is interesting. So why are there so many incredible objects that you won\u2019t trust me to inspect? Have I mentioned how thorough I am? For example, I\u2019d love to sink my teeth into that glowing square you\u2019re always carrying around. Just one bite. Please?<\/li>\n
• My schedule is not my own anymore. I used to live life on my own terms. Remember my 11 p.m. dance parties? Mommy would finally stop moving, the dance floor would stretch out before me and I busted some moves on the regular. You always got such a kick out of that. (Pun intended) I know, because I could hear everything you were saying. (That\u2019s how I learned about puns.) But now, whenever I try to get my nighttime party started, you either ignore me or come in and try to put an end to it. Both of those options are very disconcerting to me. And so I have to make my feelings known to you and everybody loses. I just want to dance again.<\/li>\n
• Speaking of dancing, you always used to blare \u201cUptown Girl\u201d before I was born. Now you never do. I need some more of the Piano Man in my life again.<\/li>\n
• Lastly, I\u2019m a little concerned about all the photos that you take of me. Where are those going exactly? Am I going to regret posing for these in about 10 years? Did you really make up a hashtag about me? Come on, Dad.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

  But it\u2019s not all bad. Life is much more interesting out here. A few simple pleasures, in no particular order:<\/p>\n

  \n
  • If I had known I could grow teeth, I would have done it a long time ago. That\u2019s why I\u2019ve rushed the production of these first eight. Cosmetically, I think they really make my smile pop, especially this semi-evil grin that I\u2019ve been workshopping for the past month or so. Have you noticed? In my unscientific focus groups, people seem to really be responding to it a lot more enthusiastically than to my basic smile. I think I\u2019ll keep it for a while. Practically speaking, teeth are a wonderful invention. I thought putting things in my mouth was fun\u2026now I can put things in my mouth and sometimes keep a souvenir piece. What a world. I\u2019m sorry for all the finger-biting of a couple months ago. It\u2019s clear to me now that those fingers aren\u2019t coming off, so I\u2019m less interested.<\/li>\n
  • I am a voracious book-lover. They taste amazing. The way the cardboard gets soggy and just breaks off in my mouth\u2026ah, perfection.<\/li>\n
  • Why don\u2019t we go outside more? It\u2019s beautiful out there. If I can just get some wind in my face, it can really cure what ails me. Mommy\u2019s been taking me out a lot more while you\u2019re at work, and I hope that continues. Speaking of which, you really need to get home from work sooner. Don\u2019t you see how happy I am when you get home? Am I not greeting you with enough fanfare to make you come home early? Tell your boss this is important to me.<\/li>\n
  • I am loving the increased independence of the last couple months. Now that I can roll around, it\u2019s so much easier for me to get at the things that you foolishly never offer to me. Now I can at least get a few precious seconds of bliss with these objects, before you look over and see what I\u2019m up to. When I start crawling, it\u2019s going to get even easier. Can\u2019t wait!<\/li>\n
  • Keep those teething crackers coming. To paraphrase the great Jim Gaffigan, Mommy will never make anything that tastes as good as these teething crackers.<\/li>\n
  • I\u2019ve heard you talk about how proud you are that I can clap now. Well, let me tell you, clapping is pretty fun. I love the way I can make you guys freak out whenever I do it. I\u2019m also loving the slow clap when I\u2019m upset and you guys won\u2019t tend to my needs quickly enough. Sarcasm is fun. (and genetic, apparently)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    So you\u2019ll be happy to know that I\u2019ve decided I\u2019m going to stay. I\u2019m not sure what my other options are exactly, but you and Mommy have both made me very happy in these first nine months, despite some minor frustrations. I\u2019m hoping those will clear up in a little while when I can just tell you what\u2019s up.<\/p>\n

    One last thing: I was talking to my girlfriends at the church playgroup the other day and realized that my birthday is coming up in a few short months. Have you started planning my party yet? Maybe it can be a Billy Joel-themed dance party. Just a thought.<\/p>\n

    OK, I have to wrap this up, as duty calls. This label isn\u2019t going to peel itself off of this water bottle! Thanks for reading and keep up the good work, Pops.<\/p>\n

    Much love,<\/p>\n

    Maddie<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Last night I found this note from my daughter under my pillow. She’s got some thoughts she’d like to share about her first nine months.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"footnotes":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[24,94,69],"tags":[9,50,4,11,23,5,72,58,2,28,49,3,22],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n